Did I mention?........ KING O' THE WEB!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Uncensored Fake Criterions

Online Puppet - Phil Fumble - Winin' Boy

Just messin' around with the concept of the intertubes as toy. Holy Warbles has an interesting selection of musical tastes, and also a cool little embed service that links to many of his/her/its tracks as a playlist. The site is beautiful auditorily and visually. Either way, it has plenty of embeds, from differing services.

In conjunction with that, I was thinking of how to make an online puppet. A moronically featureless one, and I knew I had to use Flash because Shockwave is a thing of the past, really. So I searched for an online Flash Generator and found which let's you kinda build real flash - no ads but if you wanna "keep" your flash you have to buy it, other than that they will host it. But no redirects or limit to how many attempts to get it right. Pretty cool.

So I took the embedded music from Holy Warbles upload of Jelly Roll Morton's equisite Winin' Boy, and said "Now who's the winin' boy puppet gonna be?" The answer: Phil Fumble, because he ain't never satisfied despite his relationship with the fine ass Fritzi Ritz. He is, for all intents and purposes, a winin' boy. Plus he looks like Frank McHugh

INSTRUCTIONS: Start playing the music, then when the singing begins, click on Phil to open and close his mouth in order to have him sing along. FUN! Try to keep up. Also, next time your a-hole boss is ranting about some BS or your nagging spouse is yammering on about your shortcomings, just click on Phil to channel them into a pathetic online puppet! FUN AGAIN!

07. Winin' Boy Blues by holywarbler

Thursday, September 08, 2011

An Invitation to You

So.... I had this recent email exchange:
"Lex10 to fakecriterions

show details 12:59 PM (3 hours ago)

So, um, just out of curiosity is it that:
you get thousands of submissions,
or is it that you did not find my design good-looking enough,
or is it because you found the humor in bad taste?
(Plot Summary for Manhattan: Isaac, 42, has divorced Jill. She is now living with another woman, Connie, and is writing a book in which she will reveal some very private points of their relationship. Isaac has a love affair with Tracy, 17, when he meets Mary, the mistress of his best friend Yale. Yale is already married to Emily.)
I'm a big boy and can take it on the first two.....

Thanks, Lex10

P.S. Chuck Palahniuk found my Fight Club good enough to post,

Fake Criterions to me

show details 1:14 PM (3 hours ago)


I found it quite funny. the one-word response belying acerbic disdain n'all. And so, since my work isn't good enough, and they're too busy, and I showed bad taste, I have Founded UNCENSORED FAKE CRITERIONS the original admittedly a brilliant concept and I invite you to SUBMIT. You could literally take a dump on a sheet of paper and entitle it "C.C. & Company" and it will go up. The funny thing is, I will probably censor it for porn or exploitation, so, uh, it's uh, funny, no? 'Cause it's till censored. 

Monday, September 05, 2011

Punching Holes - La Mer

Dedicated to my trips to the shore this summer via Music Ruined My Life: Punching Holes - Charles Trenet's La Mer

Here's the not-beyond-the-sea lyrics:

The Sea
We see dancing along the clear gulfs
Silver reflections
The Sea
Changing reflections
In the rain

The Sea
The summer sky confuses its white sheep
With angels so pure
Sea Shepherd azure-

The Sea
Near ponds
These tall inlet reeds
These white birds
And those rusty houses

The Sea
Has Cartwheel Flowers

Along the clear gulfs
And a love song
The Sea
A rocking my heart for life