Did I mention?........ KING O' THE WEB!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I Think It's The Ass-Slapping That Got To Me

.....not that I'm into that sort of thing actually. Vitameatavegamin this ain't. Vita, yes. Meata, yes. But vegamin, no. Quite the seductive babe, one might say. This was long before she got that only occasionally appearing weird Charles Gibson brow, and way, way before getting all moved by the chickdudeish Wayne Newton and befuddled by Burton and Taylor on Here's Lucy or The Lucy Show.

Saturday, July 24, 2010


My wife and I haven't spoken for 3 months.
I didn't want to interrupt her.

I've been in love with the same woman for 26 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! So what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost weight, but can she climb a tree!

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" They said, "No, jump in!"

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.

Saturday, July 03, 2010

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

I was on my way back from Eastern Ohio through Pennsylvania and just HAD to stop in at one or two of the many you-can-buy-fireworks-if-you're-not-from-here-so-you-can-burn-your-own-state-down fireworks stores and saw that the design standards had, erm, evolved somewhat capturing the zeitgeist with a 12"x12" cube of 36 shots or so of full color pyrotechnic chaos. Apologies for the shite pix - I'm waiting for my Droid......

Friday, July 02, 2010