U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

I was on my way back from Eastern Ohio through Pennsylvania and just HAD to stop in at one or two of the many you-can-buy-fireworks-if-you're-not-from-here-so-you-can-burn-your-own-state-down fireworks stores and saw that the design standards had, erm, evolved somewhat capturing the zeitgeist with a 12"x12" cube of 36 shots or so of full color pyrotechnic chaos. Apologies for the shite pix - I'm waiting for my Droid......

Quote O' The Day

Mother Earth…
my life support system…
as a soldier…
I must drink your blue water…
live inside your red clay and eat your green skin.

I pray…
my boots will always kiss your face and my footsteps match your heartbeat.

Carry my body through space and time…
you are my connection to the Universe…
and all that comes after.

I am yours and you are mine.
I salute you.

-The Men Who Stare at Goats

Moblog: Grand Canyon

I see the shapes I remember from maps

Cool Tool Library - Oakland, CA

I had a chance to visit Oakland Public Libary's TOOL lending library....yes, that's right, tools. Need an 11/16th spade bit (great for old school xmas light base holes- don't ask)? Break out your library card.... How about a half-round bastard file? Right this way. Stilson wrench? no problem. Spirit level? Yep. Can you cope with a coping saw? (for the record, I just listed those to be lingusitically clever) The rooms are well organized (by Ty, librarian in charge of the area - his favorite food? Thai.) in a vintage Carnegie Library building's rear entrance at the Temescal Branch.

Libraries are the last bastion of a true society here in the U.S.; everybody wants to support education, then bitches about the cost. We have little or no free college, we have no public health care, we underfund other non-commerce-based public works, but everybody, it seems to me observing people in libraries across the U.S. uses the library. It's the great independent study resource. Often they are underfunded, too, but the folks who run them still manage to provide solid reasonable frou-frou free (like that one?) lending services like this tool library, which ultimately serves the public at large well by facilitating repair and/or creation of.....whatever.

This tool library, (me opining again) is as mind-freeing of a concept as................unburned books!

And it turns out that there's several in the US. Many in the I-wish-I-lived-there Bay Area.

Speaking of burning and banning of books, here's a list of proposed tools that could do with some renaming to avoid being endangered by the book banning fascists:
Butt marker
ball-peen
dead-blow
Stud finders
Hand screw clamp
Mortar hoes
Float, rubber
Hoe (hula)
Furniture dolly
Grinders
Elec. snake-small
Nipple extractor
Tubing bender
Wrenches (internal pipe, plug, seating, slipknot, spud, stem, strap)

Just for the record: that's the zeitgeist puttin' those suggestive images in your heads - not me.

Tempus Fugit

Square America has gotten linked all over the place in the past but recently I backed into it via an image search and found a series of these:



timeline portraits made into animated gifs.
The stuff of genius. Now go look. Somebody needs to give these M.F.s a grant.

Rare Comic Ads

These ads are from the April 1950 issue of Blondie comics. These pre-date my existence in time, and are unfamiliar in content if not in form. All images link to giant versions for text perusal.

Let's commence with The Chevalier. Later becoming "The Shatner".



I wasn't even born yet, and I knew this was a ripoff....



Is this a camo lighter? In 1950??


That's right bitches, any car....



Published during the so-hot-they-need-a-full-page-color-ad era of tiny electric motor sales.



Because sane bargains aren't as thrilling......



A familiar form but unfamiliar content....



Lastly half-page entries (probably from Sundays) of the Flop Family, which mutated into Philander Flop (I realized in bed this morning and subsequently researched)......why do comics suck nowadays?

And that's..........the rest of the story.......good day?

Paul Harvey R.I.P.
Thanks for all the cross-country drives where you told us how the beautiful movie star who developed Nazi beating radar was none other than.........................................Hedy Lamar.

Emmett Till

I heard The Ballad of Emmett Till via Never Get Out of the Boat



and I was curious who he was. When I looked up the Wikipedia entry I was disgusted by the horror of it all. In short it's about a barn full of goddamned devils torturing and beating a 14 year old not just to death but way past it. It shook me up.

While we have come a long way, this happened not that long ago, and all people have to continue strive to understand each other. In my opinion, there's no better place to nurture that understanding than America where the country is not based on religion, not based on ethnicity and if you become an American it's not some conditional existence, because your father never buried an axe in the head of say, a Burgundian or Ostrogoth 400 years ago. You're an American. I'm not saying America is better than anywhere else, it's just that we're neck deep in diversity whether the godamned devils like it or not.

Yeah, go ahead complain about our imperfections, (I often do) because you can, but remember it's through understanding that we grow.

YAY!

Just a few more: Citrus Labels !!

Unvarnished truth. The smell of a wet dog from the chemical bath the fruit was placed in. The domesday book open to the citrus page. The ever widening gyre whose center cannot hold. Rough beasts slouching towards Jerusalem. Allen Ginsburg farting at your table as you slice into your Christmas pork loin.

Yay!.... for California produce!





JK OK ? LOL BRB

Redacted Torture Memos We'd Like To See

I grew up thinking that torture was only for the Nazis and other evil dudes to use, but now apparently, depending on your definition, we do it too. Bummer, Having made that disclaimer, here's a few fake redacted torture memos for your comedic enjoyment. Further disclaimer: the target of this comedy is not those being tortured, but the torturers juxtaposed against good 'ol US know-how. All pics link to bigger versions.

World Series: Dizzy and Daffy Davies

"P.S. I signed up for next year. Comiskey slapped me on the back when I went in to see him and told me I would be a star next year if I took good care of myself I guess I am a star without waiting for next year Al. My contract calls for twenty-eight hundred a year which is a thousand more than I was getting. And it is pretty near a cinch that I will be in on the World Serious money next season."
-Ring Lardner- You Know Me Al 1914

7 Ambient Farmland Images

All pics link to immersive page.

U-S-A ! U-S-A ! U-S-A ! ....... 2

Weird Fact O' The Day

When he was Texas governor, W signed 153 death warrants. 153 people were executed- like black flag on bugs. A Canadian citizen, a Mexican citizen, some Gulf War veterans, two women, and a couple with diminished or compromised mental ability in the one-hundred-and-fifty-three that were executed.

He commuted one:



Henry Lee Lucas.
The cops knew he killed his momma, his wife, and a 3rd woman, even if he did lie about his hundred-some-odd serial killer activities, some of which law enforcement believe he committed anyway.
Go figure, huh? I toldja it was the weird fact o' the day......

Just weird, I dunno-

THE CLEVELAND WHITE DEVILS

I was watching the playoffs a little and I told my wife "I want one of those hats!" Y'know, a blue hat with a red bill, and that cool Indian logo on it. My wife reminded me that the hat was reprehensible because it was racist. She's right. But that cartoon is so cool

Think about it, the Cleveland Indian Logo, which now is often seen as racist, has a subtext to it:


Wild savages ready to attack.
Crazy warriors with Tomahawks and arrows.
Unrelenting onslaught.
Insane and badass.

And not a "Hey what about, 'I will fight no more forever'?" in sight, Nor a "They are enigmatic..." Also a dearth of "Our founding fathers borrowed from the Iroquois for the Constitution!!!"

Jus' WILD INDIANS. (Fun fact: Indians actually come from India!)

SO HERES A SOLUTION......



THE CLEVELAND WHITE DEVIL

Now, think about it-

400 years of slavery of African Americans
Smallpox blankets sold to the Indians
Invisible weapons of mass destruction
No evolution
Shock and Awe
The most elaborate serial killers
Tasing Cops
WWF
Deliverance
Insert godawful thing here
In short actually INSANE AND BADASS

I think I'm gonna get these made........whaddyathink?

Bend Me, Shape Me, Already!!

So, I'm over looking at The Perfect American, in awe of the whole scene, the style the volume, the insanity, and it led me to dailymotion (this appears to be mrjyn's upload site of choice) where I found these. I've already blogged about this chicken-and-egg conundrum (my feeling is that it's an American song turned English)

Lastly, check out Freddie Mercury on bass in the American Version!!!!!


This guy scootaway - the original uploader - must wonder the same thing I suppose.

As a bonus, here's the theme song from Scream and Scream Again - an awesome movie, by Amen Corner:



Sorry, last thing I'll say about it......

Hitler Fish

We went to Fish n' Stuff to buy cheapo feeder goldfish for the pond, because they:
A: Eat mosquito larvae all gone and,
B: Provide a little sustenance for the 3 frogs in the pond too.

On the drive back, my daughter said' "Hey, a Hitler fish!" and damn if she wasn't right..... see what happens when Karma's got you? He must be on his 97th rebirth go-round, huh?

Here's some images, the last one, which DOES NOT feature the Hitler fish, is a link to a bee-you-ti-ful wallpaper. 40 fish in a bag, ready to get wild.

On to der fuehrer's face:

As a young paperhanger in Austria, not yet a world ruining vegetarian:


Giving a hate filled rabble rousing speech:


Standing up arrogantly for the reich:


Goofing around by doing his Mussolini impression:


Just generally looking oppressive


In the bunker, in disbelief at the invasion of Berlin:


Lastly the wallpaper - no fishes were harmed, at least until froggy met them....