New Uncensored Fake Criterion - Deer Hunter by Elizabeth Jordan

Yeah! Uncensored Fake Criterions: This time by artist Elizabeth Jordan - view her amazing work HERE

P.S.: Suck it, Fake Criterions

Why Homeless Sly Stone is Great

I'd bring him a sandwich if I could - a nice Banh My

Uncensored Fake Criterions

Online Puppet - Phil Fumble - Winin' Boy

Just messin' around with the concept of the intertubes as toy. Holy Warbles has an interesting selection of musical tastes, and also a cool little embed service that links to many of his/her/its tracks as a playlist. The site is beautiful auditorily and visually. Either way, it has plenty of embeds, from differing services.

In conjunction with that, I was thinking of how to make an online puppet. A moronically featureless one, and I knew I had to use Flash because Shockwave is a thing of the past, really. So I searched for an online Flash Generator and found http://www.effectgenerator.com/ which let's you kinda build real flash - no ads but if you wanna "keep" your flash you have to buy it, other than that they will host it. But no redirects or limit to how many attempts to get it right. Pretty cool.

So I took the embedded music from Holy Warbles upload of Jelly Roll Morton's equisite Winin' Boy, and said "Now who's the winin' boy puppet gonna be?" The answer: Phil Fumble, because he ain't never satisfied despite his relationship with the fine ass Fritzi Ritz. He is, for all intents and purposes, a winin' boy. Plus he looks like Frank McHugh

INSTRUCTIONS: Start playing the music, then when the singing begins, click on Phil to open and close his mouth in order to have him sing along. FUN! Try to keep up. Also, next time your a-hole boss is ranting about some BS or your nagging spouse is yammering on about your shortcomings, just click on Phil to channel them into a pathetic online puppet! FUN AGAIN!

07. Winin' Boy Blues by holywarbler

An Invitation to You

So.... I had this recent email exchange:

"Lex10 to fakecriterions

show details 12:59 PM (3 hours ago)

So, um, just out of curiosity is it that:
you get thousands of submissions,
or is it that you did not find my design good-looking enough,
or is it because you found the humor in bad taste?
(Plot Summary for Manhattan: Isaac, 42, has divorced Jill. She is now living with another woman, Connie, and is writing a book in which she will reveal some very private points of their relationship. Isaac has a love affair with Tracy, 17, when he meets Mary, the mistress of his best friend Yale. Yale is already married to Emily.)
I'm a big boy and can take it on the first two.....

Thanks, Lex10

P.S. Chuck Palahniuk found my Fight Club good enough to post,

Fake Criterions to me

show details 1:14 PM (3 hours ago)

Yes."

I found it quite funny. the one-word response belying acerbic disdain n'all. And so, since my work isn't good enough, and they're too busy, and I showed bad taste, I have Founded UNCENSORED FAKE CRITERIONS the original admittedly a brilliant concept and I invite you to SUBMIT. You could literally take a dump on a sheet of paper and entitle it "C.C. & Company" and it will go up. The funny thing is, I will probably censor it for porn or exploitation, so, uh, it's uh, funny, no? 'Cause it's till censored. 

Submit at Uncensored Fake Criterions

Yet Another Fake Criterion of "Manhattan"

Fake Criterion - Manhattan - Woody Allen

By me. Bick for Cligger

Punching Holes - La Mer

Dedicated to my trips to the shore this summer via Music Ruined My Life: Punching Holes - Charles Trenet's La Mer

Here's the not-beyond-the-sea lyrics:

The Sea
We see dancing along the clear gulfs
Silver reflections
The Sea
Changing reflections
In the rain

The Sea
The summer sky confuses its white sheep
With angels so pure
Sea Shepherd azure-
infinite.

The Sea
Near ponds
These tall inlet reeds
see
These white birds
And those rusty houses

The Sea
Has Cartwheel Flowers

Along the clear gulfs
And a love song
The Sea
A rocking my heart for life

Lawl

Bubbles - Here Kitty Come Kitty!

My Fight Club Fake Criterion Cover

Chuck Palahniuk was looking for these for a Gallery,  I've wanted to do a Fake Criterion, so here it is:

Gun Club - Jack On Fire

It was 30 years ago today; Jeffery lee taught the band to play: 30th Anniversary of the release of Fire of Love

Hannity

Hurricane Fun - or not

Heard a thud last night - looked out - couldn't see anything......until today.

MASSIVE TREE

Swing and a miss

My neighbor contemplates her non-demise from her bedroom window.

I'll spare you the plumbing backups and flooding commencing during the tornado warning, that everybody had. I will tell you, there was one of the few deaths only a mile from here, a young woman who was afraid, and drove to be with her boyfriend, and drove into 15 feet of water, and managed to call him during it. they found her car 150 feet from where it went into the water. Friggin' tragic stuff, love, sometimes....

"Go home to your wife and family; sit down by the fireside bright."

John Cale "Mailman (The Lying Song)" in India

I didn't
draw
first
blood

You put
a crown in
my thorn

There's a
prisoner in
this song
but its
not me
I lied
about
the
prisoner

it isn't me
it's you
it isn't you
its me

Mashed Single Panel Adult Cartoons

I sent one to ahem - "Facebook Friend"/genius Mark Newgarden on his birthday, but the bastard didn't react at all. Unlike say, S. Clay Wilson who was most gracious. But I liked the idea, and continuing my hommage to his appreciation and reworking of the single panel adult cartoon "laff" I combined a few more.

Rules were:
Pick 2
Mix
Write new caption
Create cartoonist name/signature

SEE BELOW

Damaged Soul/R n' B/Motown/Gospel Portrait 3

Trash picked years ago in Atlantic County, NJ. Maybe a fan, maybe a booker for Club Harlem. This time: The Mad Lads

Lovin' that process.

Cartoon Haiku: "Vegetarian"

By Me - click for bigger, fool!

F*ck You, Woman, F*ck You

@ Fredo Corleone

Stereo Coliseum

Damaged Soul/R n' B/Motown/Gospel Portrait 2

Trash picked years ago in Atlantic County, NJ. Maybe a fan, maybe a booker for Club Harlem. This time: The Staples Singers

achtung!

Tuesday Night 9/27/77 Issue

A Fucking Gem from the early days of punk (pdf). Before the 'zine existed. Real throwaway stuff, that was probably never archived. An actual glimpse into that history. It's got many things of interest: Anya Phillips was one of the editors, and she was  protege'/girlfriend/manager of James Chance/James White. There used to be stories in the Voice or the New York Rocker (can't remember) about how she was a harridan but I'm not sure how true it was, because she achieved quite a bit in her short visit to Earth, and it's emotional intelligence that gets you places.

There's Dan Asher photos, The Midnight Fart editorial on keeping an open musical mind is real time capsule stuff, and the ads capture the zeitgeist of the movement. Diego Cortez rants about art cancer, which either ironically or he didn't want to say that's what it was about, in '81 killed Anya Phillips. There's even a picture of the girl who got dragged around the stage in a headlock by Lance Loud of the Mumps.

Loads of Dead Boys, Richard Hell, and Suicide stuff. 10 pages of single-sided xeroxed fun.

Childish 420 Reference

Damaged Soul/R n' B/Motown/Gospel Portrait 1

Trash picked years ago in Atlantic County, NJ. Maybe a fan, maybe a booker for Club Harlem. This time: The Volcanoes

Artifact of Proto-Lex10

Mile 300(s)

Usually this is 25-80 horses, but today it is the gladiators and gladiatrixes for tonight's rodeo. It's quite the spectacle, as PETA protests outside and Members Only clad dee-vor-says watch the pageantry of the opening parade inside. (I am repeating myself) They were a little put off by me photographing them (unlike the horses would have been) mainly because I'm part of that species that will shortly be shoving them, jumping on them, chasing them, antagonizing their babies (which are the kittens of meat) only to end up over some hot charcoal. Okay that last part I'm imagining.

GLADIATOR MARKED FOR BATTLE

My second stop was to see just why the hell my grapes aren't ripening. it's because they are ripening, just not ready......... these Pinot Grigio (or so I'm told) are still eentsy, and the folks at Auburn Road Winery said whites get harvested around the end of summer which it ain't, yet.

My Grapes - Through the roof of the little house they grow on - white seedless (supposedly)

Can You Hold Your Fingers Like This?

Wayne Raney and Lonnie Glosson, harmonica players, teach you how to play guitar, if you can hold your fingers like that.

Polaroid Artifact Sin Pantalones

Hey....it's ART

All of these Tyrolean M.F.s are ....YOU

That's right... lonely goatherd, bitches!