christmas party dinosaur

Christmas Miracle: Flowering Mother In Law's Tongue

Have had this plant, Mother in Law's Tongue or a variegated cultivar of Sansevieria trifasciata and it's many propagations (which have lived in my office, on stage in high school plays, in a bathtub downstairs and out in the yard during summer) since the dawn of time. This is the first time it has flowered in our presence and it has chosen today as its day to get the full blown flower on. Quite wet and juicy during gestation of the bloom. Also known as snake plant.

Mile 700 - Christmas Day 2011

Two sides of Harrisonville Lake:

Rough side, looking at the spillway through the road bridge arch atop hurricane-washed roots.

Pretty side of the lake from the bridge, with a fallen sycamore making its own mirror image.

Probably last o' the year owing to the fact that I am up to breaking a spoke every 20-40 miles, and either need to replace or re-lace my rear wheel. Probably replace, owing to some questionable wear on the hub.

HOORAY!!!!

Wow - Fleischer Christmas!

Holy crap - Charlie Parker.gunslinger, etc, etc. contributor swac posted a link to the Fleischer Brothers online Museum which has a wunderbar collection of Christmas cards.

Cheesy Christmas Tree Topper

Got it today!

D*mn! Sh*t! The F*cking Best Xmas Gift Ever, B*stards and B*tches!

Spotted by me and purchased at the thrift shop TODAY, by Lex 11. Who wouldn't want to protect their families' precious ears from foul language? Klik 4 bigger

It has a handy chart using amount of cusses removed from popular movies, in order to prove "f"-icacy.

AND It has a setting to allow schmucks like Pat Robertson to shout "Jesus Christ!" without it getting bleeped.

Hooray for Curse Free TV - Fuck Yeah!

Whaddya Feed Your Pet Zombie Pig?

This was a birthday present from an aesthetically minded pal. I feel like I've seen these before, but the 'serving suggestion' really grabbed me.

VICE Guide to North Korea

Hey! A dead dictator for my birthday! Thanks!



Vice Guide to Travel shows this scintillating culture in all its glory.
Just kiddin'!

Inside Joke

What's This Year's MOST INAPPROPRIATE (and creepy) Christmas Gift?

Saw this in a department store recently, but I didn't have my phone (while lamenting that, some chump sarcastically assured me that I would get along fine without it)... so I found it on their site: A PENN STATE STUFFED LION, KIDS!

Seriously, some jokes write themselves, no?

Damn the torpedoes, let merchandising commence!

(Near Proto) Nancy December, 1938 - Xmas gift from me to you

Holy krap - here's a coupla Nancy comics that are SO old, that Nancy doesn't have those teeny tiny hair spikes yet, and Aunt Fritzi has a finger wave hairdo. Worst/best of all. Nancy ain't even in it! From Comics on Parade December 1938. Via Comics Clasicos en Ingles y Español
 Click for bigger.

One More Harry Morgan RIP

Zontar of Venus had this great image from his series Pete and Gladys. But this post, while paying homage to he who embodied Bill Gannon, is actually about the rich, eyeball-stinging panoply of film imagery at the Zontar site. I wanna say....holy shit. Ok I cussed, now go.

Reddy fer Xmas

Good Advice.

Brain.......Not.......Working.......Properly.......

I can't read and I can't write down
I don't know a book from countdown
I don't care which shadow gets me
All I've got is someone's face
Money goes to money heaven
Bodies go to body hell
I just cough, catch the chase
Switch the channel watch the police car
I can't read shit anymore
I just sit back and ignore
I just can't get it right, can't get it right
I can't read shit I can't read shit
When you see a famous smile
No matter where you run your mile
To be right in that photograph
Andy where's my fifteen minutes

MY EYES!! Milwaukee Bus Passes

Ugh I can't remember who posted this first, but thx.
Milwaukee Bus Passes - an assload of 'em. Such variety!
Go Look Here

Don't You Even TRY to Fence Me the F*ck In!!!

Ya cain't beat thet Cole Porters
performed by the godlike-to-boingboing-followers Davey Byrnes

Pall Mall Mottoes

I'm somewhat in retrospect amazed that these cancer sticks bear the statement Constantine used after seeing a chi-rho that affirmed his joining up with the Christians. Incongruous, no?

In addition, Per aspera per astra? "Through hardships to the stars"???!!! WTF cigs! That was Bowie's motto in Man Who Fell to Earth YOU'RE CIGARETTES!, awreddy!

Reet, Petite and Gone

It's a pity that the dialogue scenes are so damaged, but signal-to-noise during the musical numbers is more that adequate to enjoy these copious one-after-the-other Louis Jordan numbers. Download this Archive.org gem HERE (Divx, no less!)

Gluyas Williams

Wow, shades of my Art Deco-laden Aunt Flora's house. Gluyas Williams (bio at the site), will be instantly recognizable - go, see, enjoy - it's pretty dense, and evocative.

Penn State Zeitgeist Van LOL?

Via the always cool, mostly beautiful SHIMMERDAY.

Words Fail Him

- I'm sure "boring" probably means "awesome" wherever they use umlauts, but who's his marketing guy? I'd change my last name to "Tasty" or DeLish" if'n I was a chef.

Tallulah Teachin'

The 100% always delightful Mary Birdsong plays us a clip for a record that has a one-sided script for aspiring actors. go there and experience it. Also look at her other shizzle while you're there, my blizzle rizzles.

Ew. History. Marketing.

From the blog Glaserei which is part of Stuttgarter Zeitung

Mile 600

Mile 600 Moravian Church 1789 11/15/2011

Prairie Belt Wallpaper

Yes I KNOW this is all over the inters - that what I call it "the inters"... but I could not resist modifying to adapt to it's extant zeitgeist - let's face it Meat, Prairie....... U.S.A.!

HERE'S A LINK TO A 1440 X 900 WALLPAPER - I'm modern, now!

Bates Motel - Ex-quisite Interpretation

My email this morning told me that Gay Carrington had become a subscriber to my YouTube Channel and as my sweet palsy-walsy Ange had previously, in a private email told me, I am in fact, an attention whore, so I figured I'd see what Gay had to offer. Haunting. Direct. Amusing. Stylish. and f*cking WEIRD.

I'd like to offer Gay's rendition of this paraphrased reinterpretation of some footage from Psycho it seemed perfect for Hallowe'en on myriad levels.
Please as usual, no comments.

Begorrah!

My mother age 18 - back row, 4th from right.

Scout the Finch - R.I.P.

Scout's interment vessel, made from romaine, hydrangea and avocado leaves, filled with seed and asters, amongst the tiger lilies, mint and violets. She will now feed the grapes that feed the birds.

Scout, partner of the long deceased Atticus, has after a decade, passed away. We will miss her cheeping and cheerful presence.

Mile 500 - King Harvest Has Surely Come

Please - no comments.

Hallowe'en Uncensored Fake Criterions - Hillbillies In A Haunted House

UNCENSORED Fake Criterions

psychedelic furs - forever now (live LA)

A banker in a tired suit
Is counting in his head
He's standing in your overcoat
He's lying on your bed
President gas is tap dancing
For the banker he's a thief
He isn't very honest
But he's obvious at least

You and I are walking past yeah
Having lost our way
We don't count our money
We are giving it away
Yeah giving it away

This policeman is just sitting down
In sunglases and dirt
Undercover now at least
So nobody gets hurt
They go through this pantomime
They do it everyday
They'll be back again tomorrow
But they don't play for free

You and I are walking past yeah
Having lost our way
We don't count our paper
We are giving it away
Yeah giving it away

doesn't this remind you
Of these things we've done before
Like counting all the times
We've seen ourselves in other scenes
Everybody's busy
Listening and pulling blinds
This is all so stupid
We're just shouting
I want you

You and I are walking past yeah
Having lost our way
We don't count our money
We are giving it away
Yeah giving it away

Mile 400

Oldman's Creek - the border of Salem and Gloucester counties New Jersey - Center of the Known Universe.

I had a huge delay in rideability owing to a spoke that broke on the cogset side, and I commenced taking it apart, not knowing what i was doing and ended up with ball bearings all over the place and parts I had never seen before. I had to buy a chain whip and a cassette tool and after half a can of degreaser, a tube of grease and truing of the spoke I got it all back together.

I used to hate the late Sheldon Brown, but now I love him, as well as the Park Tool company, both who hepled me through all the cofusing lingo and BS associated with this set of repairs.. Ha-HA I didn't hafta buy a wheel OR give a huge check to a repair shop!

So maybe not 1,000 miles this year, maybe only 600 - cheer me on readers- all 6 of you!

She's Rockin' The Mucinex - HARD

thee midniters - i found a peanut

Theirs were rotten as well
ate it anyway

Kid Congo & The Pink Monkey Birds- Found a Peanut

it was rotten
ate it anyway

New Uncensored Fake Criterion - Deer Hunter by Elizabeth Jordan

Yeah! Uncensored Fake Criterions: This time by artist Elizabeth Jordan - view her amazing work HERE

P.S.: Suck it, Fake Criterions

Why Homeless Sly Stone is Great

I'd bring him a sandwich if I could - a nice Banh My

Uncensored Fake Criterions

Online Puppet - Phil Fumble - Winin' Boy

Just messin' around with the concept of the intertubes as toy. Holy Warbles has an interesting selection of musical tastes, and also a cool little embed service that links to many of his/her/its tracks as a playlist. The site is beautiful auditorily and visually. Either way, it has plenty of embeds, from differing services.

In conjunction with that, I was thinking of how to make an online puppet. A moronically featureless one, and I knew I had to use Flash because Shockwave is a thing of the past, really. So I searched for an online Flash Generator and found http://www.effectgenerator.com/ which let's you kinda build real flash - no ads but if you wanna "keep" your flash you have to buy it, other than that they will host it. But no redirects or limit to how many attempts to get it right. Pretty cool.

So I took the embedded music from Holy Warbles upload of Jelly Roll Morton's equisite Winin' Boy, and said "Now who's the winin' boy puppet gonna be?" The answer: Phil Fumble, because he ain't never satisfied despite his relationship with the fine ass Fritzi Ritz. He is, for all intents and purposes, a winin' boy. Plus he looks like Frank McHugh

INSTRUCTIONS: Start playing the music, then when the singing begins, click on Phil to open and close his mouth in order to have him sing along. FUN! Try to keep up. Also, next time your a-hole boss is ranting about some BS or your nagging spouse is yammering on about your shortcomings, just click on Phil to channel them into a pathetic online puppet! FUN AGAIN!

07. Winin' Boy Blues by holywarbler

An Invitation to You

So.... I had this recent email exchange:

"Lex10 to fakecriterions

show details 12:59 PM (3 hours ago)

So, um, just out of curiosity is it that:
you get thousands of submissions,
or is it that you did not find my design good-looking enough,
or is it because you found the humor in bad taste?
(Plot Summary for Manhattan: Isaac, 42, has divorced Jill. She is now living with another woman, Connie, and is writing a book in which she will reveal some very private points of their relationship. Isaac has a love affair with Tracy, 17, when he meets Mary, the mistress of his best friend Yale. Yale is already married to Emily.)
I'm a big boy and can take it on the first two.....

Thanks, Lex10

P.S. Chuck Palahniuk found my Fight Club good enough to post,

Fake Criterions to me

show details 1:14 PM (3 hours ago)

Yes."

I found it quite funny. the one-word response belying acerbic disdain n'all. And so, since my work isn't good enough, and they're too busy, and I showed bad taste, I have Founded UNCENSORED FAKE CRITERIONS the original admittedly a brilliant concept and I invite you to SUBMIT. You could literally take a dump on a sheet of paper and entitle it "C.C. & Company" and it will go up. The funny thing is, I will probably censor it for porn or exploitation, so, uh, it's uh, funny, no? 'Cause it's till censored. 

Submit at Uncensored Fake Criterions

Yet Another Fake Criterion of "Manhattan"

Fake Criterion - Manhattan - Woody Allen

By me. Bick for Cligger

Punching Holes - La Mer

Dedicated to my trips to the shore this summer via Music Ruined My Life: Punching Holes - Charles Trenet's La Mer

Here's the not-beyond-the-sea lyrics:

The Sea
We see dancing along the clear gulfs
Silver reflections
The Sea
Changing reflections
In the rain

The Sea
The summer sky confuses its white sheep
With angels so pure
Sea Shepherd azure-
infinite.

The Sea
Near ponds
These tall inlet reeds
see
These white birds
And those rusty houses

The Sea
Has Cartwheel Flowers

Along the clear gulfs
And a love song
The Sea
A rocking my heart for life

Lawl

Bubbles - Here Kitty Come Kitty!

My Fight Club Fake Criterion Cover

Chuck Palahniuk was looking for these for a Gallery,  I've wanted to do a Fake Criterion, so here it is:

Gun Club - Jack On Fire

It was 30 years ago today; Jeffery lee taught the band to play: 30th Anniversary of the release of Fire of Love

Hannity

Hurricane Fun - or not

Heard a thud last night - looked out - couldn't see anything......until today.

MASSIVE TREE

Swing and a miss

My neighbor contemplates her non-demise from her bedroom window.

I'll spare you the plumbing backups and flooding commencing during the tornado warning, that everybody had. I will tell you, there was one of the few deaths only a mile from here, a young woman who was afraid, and drove to be with her boyfriend, and drove into 15 feet of water, and managed to call him during it. they found her car 150 feet from where it went into the water. Friggin' tragic stuff, love, sometimes....

"Go home to your wife and family; sit down by the fireside bright."

John Cale "Mailman (The Lying Song)" in India

I didn't
draw
first
blood

You put
a crown in
my thorn

There's a
prisoner in
this song
but its
not me
I lied
about
the
prisoner

it isn't me
it's you
it isn't you
its me

Mashed Single Panel Adult Cartoons

I sent one to ahem - "Facebook Friend"/genius Mark Newgarden on his birthday, but the bastard didn't react at all. Unlike say, S. Clay Wilson who was most gracious. But I liked the idea, and continuing my hommage to his appreciation and reworking of the single panel adult cartoon "laff" I combined a few more.

Rules were:
Pick 2
Mix
Write new caption
Create cartoonist name/signature

SEE BELOW